Monday, August 20, 2012

A little bit of my story

This summer marks ten year since I battled the most shameful time of my life.

A domino effect that left my friends,family and co workers baffled at how I could be a part of such a scandal at seventeen and just barely graduated from high school. After all, I was the pastor's daughter and taught the four year old's at church on Sunday mornings.

In the ten years since, stumbling my way through counseling, college, marriage and babies, I have carried around baggage from the events past. Thanks be to God, the weight of my baggage gets lighter everyday as I learn to give that weight to Jesus, and stand a little taller knowing His grace is truly sufficient for me.

I feel more comfortable to talk about what I went through. I am able to articulate how I felt during that time and tell my husband bits and pieces as things come up in conversation. It makes me feel free. Free of feeling worthless and used and shamed.

I have no idea how God is going to use the events of ten years ago for His glory, but I am confident that he already has and will continue to do so.

"You stood before my failure, carried the cross for my shame, my sin weighed upon your shoulders, My soul now to stand...

So I'll stand with hands high and hearts abandoned, in awe of the One who gave it all"

Sunday, August 19, 2012

A long week

It has been a long week.

A week of middle of the night meltdowns, whining, crying, fighting and so much more.

My toddlers have Hand, Foot and Mouth right now and it is making them cranky, moody, sleepless and in pain. And I am 28 weeks pregnant. And tired. And without family to help and a husband who doesn't have the luxury of a flexible job.

This week has been hard, but I knew I could make it because come Friday night my parents would be coming to visit and I could relax just a little bit and have some help. Only, last minute, they weren't able to come.

It has been a long week.

A week filled with middle of the night snuggles, kisses and the opportunity to teach my girls patience.

My toddlers have Hand, Foot and Mouth right now and it is making them persevere and learn to use their words. And all the while I am blessed to be creating a new little one. And feel her sweet kicks. And I have amazing Buffalo friends, one who even offered to make our family a meal. And my husband has an amazing job that allows me to stay home and teach my children every minute of everyday.

My parents were supposed to come this weekend and I was excited to see them and relax a little while they helped with the kids. However, they weren't able to make it, which worked out beautifully because the girls got extra Daddy time this weekend, we were able to take them somewhere special yesterday and make amazing family memories and were also blessed with a stranger giving us an area rug we were in need of.

Tonight as I prepare for the week ahead and spend time reflecting on this past one, I am thankful for a God who knows how to make all things beautiful, and gives us peace when there is chaos all around.

It has been a long week. A long, good week :)